Girl Child -Bounty or Burden?
We proudly trumpet every day that we treat women on equal footing with men. Do we really mean it? Do we put this in practice? The honest answer is a strong NO.
Many might say that the dowry system is on the wane
and this indirectly means that we have started respecting the women especially
the brides. But the hidden – nay – indirect demand is still in
vogue and keeps raising.
Dowry system is legally prohibited. It is
considered as the only burden interminably borne by the bride’s side. The celebration of wedding today involves huge costs. however, this entire burden is casually, conveniently and
continuously laden on the bride’s parents. This practice continues from time immemorial and it
keeps growing every day.
This is a definite slur and stigma over the
male-dominated society and moreover it is a
shameless practice in a civilised society.
The exorbitant expenses involved in (compulsory)
giving of ornaments, silverware, furniture, cooking equipment etc – together
with the cost of wedding celebration – all these are casually and inhumanly
termed as “her parents’ voluntary wishes”. Height of hypocrisy hovers around
such hawkish utterances.
In light of this, it seems Verbal pronouncements
glorifying the women are only lip-deep. The inward and real intentions and
practice denote the deterioration of this ugly way of our lives.
While such practices are allowed to continue, many
among us wonder Whether wedding is a pleasant duty or a painful one? It depends on the gender of your child.
The interesting question is, as a Kavi chakravarthi, was Kambar aware of this? The answer is YES.
HAD HE MENTIONED ABOUT IT IN HIS EPIC?
Of course, YES. HE HINTED AT IT. May we have a look at it? YES.
Sita’s marriage ALSO went on, in the same lines.
Are you surprised?
Let us refer to Bala Kandam. Lord Siva’s bow, carried by sixty thousand
strong men, was placed before Viswamithran. Rama and Lakshmanan stood by him
with bowed heads. Also were present in the Court a large crowd of Mydhilai
citizens, Janakar, Sadanandar, Neelamalai (Sita’s maid), old women and Rama’s
admirers. Rama handled the bow so effortlessly that it broke down. (எடுத்தது கண்டனர் இற் ற து கேட்டார் )
The immediate reaction of the poor people in
Mydhilai was a puzzling one. They ran towards the treasury of the King and
liberally took away most part of the treasure stored there. Here starts the normal plundering and financial
weakening of a girl’s father.
Kambar strikes a simile.
It was like the white clouds rushing to the ocean
repeatedly to devour its water! Let us savour the actual words of Kambar.
" வெண்ணிற மேகம் மேல்மேல்
விரி கடல் பருகுமா போல்
மண் நிறை வேந்தன் செல்வம்
வறியவர் முகந்து கொண்டார்"
On the contrary, no such thing occurred in Ayodhya when the SAME
MESSAGE of the wedding was delivered there. The above scene was just harbinger for more such
happenings!
Now let us see the number of guests who came for the marriage. Almost all the people of Ayodhya who felt very
happy to attend Rama’s wedding came to Mydhilai.
NOT ONLY THAT. Kings of THIRTY ONE countries also did come to
attend Sita’s wedding. Much logic is not needed to infer that these Kings were
accompanied by their kith and kin. What about the citizens of Mydhilai? Easily
imaginable.
WORSE THINGS TO ENSUE.
IT WAS THE ATTITUDE of bridegroom's family which Kambar captures brilliantly!
The groom’s side is always known for the
holier-than-thou attitude. Kambar captures that also.
The eyes of Dasarathan’s elephant was RED. It
should have been only out of anger. (வெம் கண் ஆனையினான் -
But, Janakar’s elephant was dancing! This picture as captured so aptly by the immortal poet, explains things clearly. Its dance probably is to the tunes of Dasarathan’s animal
only!! (ஆடல் மாமத ஆனை ச்சனகர் கோன் )
If this was the predicament to the animal – human
situations could have been far worse! Some questions are better left unasked.
Besides, Kambar says that Janakar’s COUNTRY got
reduced to one CITY! (நாடு எல்லாம் ஒரு நல் நகர் ஆயதே )
The inference indicates selling of much of his
assets!!
If it is explained as the movement of the entire
people of the Videha Kingdom to the city of Mydhilai we can understand - well –
it was not SAID SO!
Again – and immediately – Kambar says = “the
wedding was celebrated by disposing of ALL the wealth “. ("தன் பொழிந்த காதல் தொடர பொருள் எலா ம் அழிந்து" )
Kambar’s words proved prophetic. They lend credence
to the unfortunate custom.
“FINALLY JANAKAR WAS LEFT ONLY WITH THE FAME HE
EARNED IN HIS LIFE.” ( வேட்ட வர் வே ட்டபின் வேந்தனும் மேல் நாள் கூ ட்டிய சீர்த்தி கொடுத்திலன் அல்லால் ஈட்டிய மெய்ப்பொருள் உள்ளன எல்லாம் வேட்ட வர் வே ட்டவை வேண்டும் அளவு ஈந்தான் ) Thanks Lord- the fame and honour was not transferable and hence was not
spent in his daughter’s marriage!
KAMBAR SAID THIS!
The people from Kosala stayed in Mydhilai for a
longer time than Kambar ventured to specify. That woe – it is better to leave
unsaid!
Coming back to our period, the hollow argument that
the girls’ parents are “proud and happy” to spend for this happy occasion is
less than fair..
Why the grooms’ parents should be denied of this
“pride and happiness”? Let then also share “that prestige and privilege”
proportionately. If – I repeat – if our system is changed to “equitable sharing”
it will be all for ? to the good.
This change will save the bride’s parents – from”
sleeping with their clothes and bags packed” and departing from the Kalyana Mandapam
with empty wallets.”
Instead of visiting the past, it is better to look
to the future since it is difficult to go forward if we are always looking in
the rear view mirror.
Taken together all of these factors, a sincere
awareness and conviction alone will save our society forever from a
self-inflicting wounds.
As of NOW, JANAKAR’S TRITES AND TRIBES CONTINUE AS
A CURSE for bride’s parents while the groom’s parents continue to enjoy
unbridled privileges. So from Kambar's time to the current century, girl child remains a burden and not a bounty.
